Friday, 12 June 2015

So...... this is how it is

So ..... having had around three weeks or more to get to grips with the latest news, it's been a bit of a wierd time to say the least.  Chemo not worked, nothing more than can be done and prognosis not too bright but there are rainbows to come out of all this mess.

I'm feeling better than I have done for a long while, I look pretty ok (so I'm told every day) and life now revolves round doing what we want, when we want and however we want.  Without the weekly/fortnightly constraints of travelling to London, our weeks are now free to fill with fun stuff around Kev's work and filling it we are!

Our patio area has been totally transformed, just as I wanted it, into a place where we all congregate and have fun.  At night, the new solar lighting makes it look like a fairy wonderland and I LOVE it! We've re-done our bedroom and it's now light and airy and we've sorted new appliances in the kitchen.

There is now more laughter than tears, although there are still days when black clouds loom and it all gets too much.  But that's normal and it's a case of going with the flow and wait for it to pass.

But apart from these small material changes, which in the scheme of things aren't that important, it all boils down to how we are now living our lives.  I don't look at it as being terminal, I look at it as living with cancer and enjoying every damn moment I am given.

Cancer does a pretty shitty job of wrecking lives and it's hard to believe the extent of the hurt and pain it causes but the crap has made our family even stronger and closer than it was before.  I've always made it clear that I want life to carry on as normal, so I'm kept busy for as much of the day as I can - and a quick rest will usually get me back to where I want to be!

Cancer can take a running jump as far as I'm concerned, it's already taken too much of my precious time and having  kicked its butt for the last year or so, I'm not giving it the satisfaction of having the last word! 

Life is for living and I've told my lot in no uncertain terms that this is how it will be and they'll only be doing me a disrespect by not going out there and living their lives to the full.

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